Losing My Wisdom {Teeth}

I got my wisdom teeth at a fairly young age; in my early teens. But I didn't decide to have them removed till my early 20s. Mostly because it didn't seem necessary to get them removed. And partly because I liked  to think they made me that much smarter.

However, my dentist thought otherwise. He referred me to an oral surgeon to make up for the money he owed over a lost bet get them looked after. During our consultation "Surgy" informed me I would need to have all four removed. And he and I decided that removing all four at once, would be best. Yes, I consented to this, but wtheck did I know?

We set the appointment for the following week and Surgy had me sign a number of papers, including consent/release forms for a general anaesthetic. Because why on earth would I want to be awake for this, right? Right. However, after informing S that he'd need to take the day off to comfort me on the day of my oral surgery and letting him know I'd be in no condition to drive while the anaesthesia wore off, he pleaded that I not "go under". You see he'd watched Sleeping Beauty one too many times he feared that I would not wake up. After spooking the heck out of me hearing his concerns, I thought it best to give in.

When the morning of the surgery came, I informed Surgy that I would not be having a general anaesthetic but that I'd have a local instead. He explained that with a local anaesthetic, though I wouldn't feel a thing, I would be awake for the entire procedure. Yes, Surgy. I know what a local anaesthetic does. After trying to convey that me going local vs. general would be less lucrative for him his concern for my well-being, he reluctantly agreed.

So, his assistant proceed to stick a large needle in my gums to administer the anaesthetic. But I've learned that with gums like mine, I need at least three doses. So they do it again. And again. Once the effects kicked in, Surgy put his game face on and came at me with his pliers. Out comes one. One down, three to go. Out comes the second. Then the third. Plucking them out with ease, like a school girl plucking out petals from a daisy "he loves me, he loves me not, he loves..."

And then things headed in a different direction.

While gently trying to remove the fourth, it seems Surgy had lost his cool. The fourth did not want to come out with ease. Perhaps, it too was convinced it's what made me that much smarter, and wanted to stay behind to give me that extra edge. Whatever it was, it was not going anywhere. Surgy yanked and pulled. And grunted. Did he forget that though I couldn't feel a thing, I could still see and hear him? To gain some agility Surgy propped his foot on the chair. Yes, the one I was laying in. And firmly planted his free hand down. On my face. And pressed. He was now gently holding pushing my face down into the chair, causing the left side of my face to get better acquainted with the headrest. Now you can imagine the out of body experience I was having. Though I couldn't feel a thing, I knew I'd pay for this later. After much crunching, a few more grunts, breaking a sweat and nearly busting a gut, Surgy finally got it out.

I practically jumped out of that chair and hurried to the waiting room to see S. Can you say "get me outta here". Well, technically I couldn't say much but I believe my face said it all. S drove me home in a hurry so I could get some rest. Almost immediately after we got home, a huge green blob started to spread across my face. I was half-Hulk. Or half-Shrek. Whatever you prefer. S suggested I get some "beauty sleep". If by beauty sleep he meant "wake up looking like a puffer fish" then I did just that. By the time I woke up, the swelling was in full force. I had the bone structure of a Cabbage Patch Doll.

And just when I thought it couldn't get better...

Later that evening, S was on the phone with my mom letting her know how well the surgery had gone while I rested my head on a pillow on his lap, watching TV to try and forget the pain. Just when it seemed to be working, my mom must've said something to make S forget himself. Suddenly he had loosened his grip on the remote control he had in hand, only to have it plummet right into my face. Do you remember how big and heavy remote controls were about 10 years ago? I DO.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Well, at least I could be certain the anaesthesia had worn off. 

I could hear my mom on the other end frantically asking, "What happened??? Is she OK??? What happened???" After reassuring my mom he was not trying to kill me, S quickly got off the phone. Tears were streaming down my face as he tried to console me. He knew I was too weak to hurt him so he just stroked my hair till I stopped. As if my face wasn't big or green enough. You can bet I made S pay for that. For a few days weeks.

So long ago but I remember it like yesterday. Gee, I wonder why.
xo Ela 
P.S. Stop in and visit Baby Lawlor to hear the most beautiful sound ever. AMAZING.

[Image via Urban Outfitters]